My Depression (Poem)

Numbness was all I could feel in a good day,

I would stay in bed and read, maybe watch movies or sleep.

I would feel empty and alone but nothing more.

The bad days I could feel my own skin aching with loneliness and pain,

I felt hurt and the voices in my head grow louder and louder

Worthless

Stupid

Loner

The thing that haunt me the most is the look in other people's faces,

their pity clear in their eyes, filling my body with despise and hate.

I don't want your pity, I dont want to be the victim,

don't look at me like that,

I want to be my own hero, my saviour,

sometimes the voices would shut up but their words remain,

not even the pills would calm them down.

I wish it was different, maybe...

Maybe if people cared more about mental health than anything else,

just maybe we could have a future to look up to.

I get so afraid of living, I stop feeling scared of dying,

my mind starts screaming

LET IT STOP

SHUT THEM UP

Maybe if the moon wasn`t the perfect company,

and the night the solitude I await all day,

maybe if the empty side of my bed was warm and caring,

just maybe I would start to live again.

Sleep holds me in his arms,

he makes me forget,

and takes all the pain away,

such a sweet lie the dream of another life,

the dream of being loved one day.

People say that if you dont love yourself no one else will,

how can I love myself if its the only thing stopping me from being loved?

Maybe there's something in me that is meant to be loved,

but how can I love the thing that's keeping me awake at night,

and plays all my memories like an endless tape while tears fill out my eyes.

What a sweet torture, what a pleasant pain.

Im inside this hole,

you throw ropes and stairs at me,

but you didnt stoped to think, maybe...

Just maybe this is who I am.

Maybe I enjoyed so much the darkness, I turned into it.

#Depression #Sadness #MentalHealth #Writing #Poem #Loneliness #Love #Hate